About a week ago, I was talking about the problems facing the youth getting married, and ive heard a man asking for a dowry of a Quran for his daughters hand, and it inspired this article. Now
I am not kidding here, Ive seen weddings worth at least 2 million dirhams... and that was not even one of the most extravegant. So whats the story? Does it prove that you will have a better marriage? Do you think he loves you more?
Not a chance
Look, I want any local girl reading this post to think about it for a second... If you truly loved the man, and he truly loved you back, do you think money would matter?
I know that a great deal of the blame lies with the parents in setting the dowry, for a mentality here is that "my daughter is not cheap" or "we have a family name to uphold", but a happy marriage is priceless.
But there is an argument for having a high dowry... A woman should be a princess on her marriage night, and she deserves a night like that, and a dowry sweetens the deal. But what if the guy, though perfect in every respect, was not rich? Would you accept a marriage for nothing? better yet, would your parents?
I dont have daughters, but I feel I would be doing the right thing by giving her away to a proper man, regardless of whether he was rich or not.
semper fidelis
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15 comments:
The best marriages are the simplest ones with a lot of love involved.
If people make marriage difficult, whatever be the excuse, society has to pay a price for it.
I hope things will improve and the value of a bride will not be put through exorbitant dowries.
This is an important issue.. and it is not something i have mentioned to talk about seriously yet.
This dowy thing is rediculous and the more expensive it is, the more it cheapens the marriage.
Marriage should be more than money that just finanically cripples one half the family.
Greedy and haram and lucky it not something I had to go through.
exactly!
I did say she deserves to be a princess for that one day since that is a small price to pay for having a wife, a partner who should be treated like a princess EVERYDAY.
But what of the guy who had no money? forcing to go to the banks for money, which is a story I have heard many times.
Sometimes it really is too much for a guy to pay,,,especially if he is young. Would you rather a 50yr-old tycoon asking for your hand today or the 25yr-old man just starting work?
Yes, men should start saving money for marraige, but if a guy wanted to finance his OWN marraige at 25, he would be hard-pressed to find 300000 dhs for the dowry.
as 4 parents, I think that they are a complicating factor, either way :-p
Marriage is not just about the guy, or just about the girl, it’s a union between two people, and the guy shouldn’t be the only one to pay for the marriage regardless of the fact he was rich or not, both sides should be considered, this is a shared responsibility. I don’t understand all these humongous amounts of money called “Dowries”. C’mon, no one wants to marry an indebted guy who can’t support his family financially.
I know that I don’t want that. I’d trade one luxury wedding night to a full happy comfortable life with my husband. I am a simple person anyway, I don’t like to “at5agag” and say, my wedding night cost me that much and such and such, I just want to say, I had the most beautiful wedding and I was happy.
I could talk about this issue forever. But the sad part about this is that I don’t even know how my parents feel about this, and you’d never see me ask them. That is why whenever the subject of marriage comes up, I just excuse myself or pretend am not listening.
On the other hand, I understand why parents set those sorts of “dowries” for their daughters, because there is no price to set for your daughter to begin with, so setting a rather large amount seems a bit fair to the parents. But it saddens me that they are abusing this tradition.
I once had a debate about dowries with an American guy, and he kept stressing on the fact that if you were in love, then money shouldn’t be a matter.
"The guy mn elasaas lazm y56b w7da who is living in the same standard"... Love knows no standards, for what is the diffrence between gold and copper when you are in love?
Romeo and Juliet anyone?
They do exsist in our society, but rarely do they occur, lilasaf ilshadeed.
you know what, i don't even care if the guy wasn't local, as long as he's muslim,, but that's just me,, i don't even know if my parents would remotely consider it, but i don't really care..
local guys don't want to marry a girl they've talked to, almost all of them don't end up marrying their gf's.. Why? cuz they're idiots with brains that existed in the "STONE AGE"..
i haven't met that great guy and am starting to think that he doesn't exist and there is no way in hell am throwing my self with a guy my family has chose for me.. am sorry, that's my opinion, i just feel that marriage is too important to be based on some people talk.. i mean people say this is a good man, and you will be happy with each other, so automatically that's the base of most marriages here.. otherwise, it'll be marrying a cousin, thank god i don't have older cousins..!!
you must think am nuts or smg,, but there is no way in hell am marrying a guy in an "Arranged Marriage" rich or poor..!!!!!
ok, i went side tracked.. no offence everyone.. and excuse the spelling mistakes if they existed..!!
Hmmm,,, Ive given this some thought, and came to a strange conclusion. Marraige here in this society is very very strange. If I were to marry a girl from GCC, I would be shunned as having ignored the local girls, and it just gets worse if I marry from abroad.
But to hell with society and their perceptions.
If I truly loved a girl, and I was willing and able to get married, I wouldnt care how bad I was tortured to get her, because its MY life. Not my in-laws life, not my parents life, not my society's life,,, MiNe.
(PS If my mother/aunties read this, they would flip out :-p)
personally, i don't care who marries who and when.. it's their life, their choice, their responsibility..
i could talk about this forever.. but i won't,, i'll just keep it at that..
i wish you all a happy life inshalla and may you choose the right partner in life :) and please, never mind what people think, just do what YOU think will make YOU happy..!!
My fiance personally, she did not ask for anything but for me to teach her the Quraan when we got engaged. When we get married, were both going to work. If I take a bank loan, so long as it doesnt affect the livelyhood of the household, she wont mind. But because of her sheer generousity, I was ashamed of myself. Im no rich guy, im middle class. Until 1983 my family lived off of 500 dhs a month. Thanks to zayed we managed to pull ourselves out of the ditches in the late 80s. Today, Instead of planning to get a car when I graduate, like most guys do, I open up the Properties section, looking up and planning for the future house I will buy. I intend to take out a bank loan get a corolla when I graduate now. :)
My parents wont let me marry her, because of differences between the families. But you think im going to bail out on her ? No way. They just do not make girls like this anymore.
And this is the problem. I hate materialistic girls. I dont want to marry someone I dont know, or someone I cant go out with a few times before I get married. I need to know that if things go bad, the person im married to wont bail out on me. That the love is not proportional to the paycheck. This is what I think is a major problem in our society. There is a complete misunderstanding and even ignorance regarding the concept of Love.
Parents love their children in some ways which lead them to be miserable, be it in their personal, financial or work related fields. The guy loves his son, thats why he wants to force him to study something he doesnt like and be miserable in his career and not do it well. The parents love the girl, and thats why they will marry her off to a guy she doesnt know. Guys love girls for their looks, girls love guys for their money. Whoever turns out differently, is quickly changed by the society into going against these things.
عند عائشة رضي الله عنها عند أحمد:
" أعظم النكاح بركة أيسره مؤونة"
marriages are like job interviews, where men paas out their resumes to the girls parents for approval before even meeting the girl.
if they had met in an every day scenario,things would be so different.
oh the last emirati wedding i went to cost about 5+ million dhms.
well...
it's has become a matter of 'prestige' unfortunately...
I for one made sure that my wedding did not cost as much as other weddings...and yes... it was filled with love and simplicity... what made the wedding so special is that everyone could see the love that was there... and nothing else mattered...
but nowadays, I know that girls have become hardheaded... so if you're lucky she'll be hardheaded not to have a lavish overkill wedding...
and another piece of advice...
KNOW the girl first.. if it's arranged... GET to know her... it is the REST of your life and hers... some people fail to realize that and it usually ends in total disaster...
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